My sheets look like a crime scene.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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