I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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