now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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