I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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