I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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