You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
