Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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