Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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