It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
