What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
