How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
