Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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