Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
