Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
