Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
soo... how was my night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
