And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
