is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
