That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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