dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
