That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
