Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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