Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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