I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
