I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
