it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want a musical about memes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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