if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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