quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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