well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
