you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
