so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
