2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
