god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
