doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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