forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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