I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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