then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
