i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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