I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
