Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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