can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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