i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
