We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
