I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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