so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
