Welp...herpes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
