I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
