hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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