i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
