So drunk its hurt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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