he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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