i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
