I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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