Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
