Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
