Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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