does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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