I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
