I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
