Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize