i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize