I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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