I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i drank out of a bidet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
