While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
