When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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