yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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