Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize