yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
