how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
