Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
