You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
