Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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