It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
