Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
