she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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