well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
