Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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