when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
