do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
