Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
