i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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