I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
