...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
