Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
