these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
