Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
