I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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