I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
