Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
