I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
