just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
