I got chris browned last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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