my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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