I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They took my balls.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize