Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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