Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
