Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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