I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
