We're like a lot better than the average bears
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
