My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
