idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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