im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
not ubering you a puppy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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