We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
