friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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