my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
