I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
