Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
