all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
