Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
