sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I believe in your delicious
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
