At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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